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Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual
''Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual ''(sometimes abbreviated Pryce and Carter, or the DSSPPM) is a book containing 1001 tips about surviving in deep space. The book was co-written by Goddard Futuristics' Dr. Miranda Pryce and former communications director William Carter. It is required reading for all participants in deep space missions. As a stretch-goal reward of their Patreon campaign, the writers of Wolf 359 are currently producing a complete edition of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual. ''The release date is currently unknown. Mentions in Wolf 359 ''Pryce and Carter was first mentioned in "Succulent Rat-Killing Tar," when Commander Minkowski instructs Officer Eiffel to finally read the book, or else lose his contraband cigarettes. Rather than actually read the manual, Eiffel asks Hera to read it to him. They only make it through the first five and a half survival tips before Eiffel is distracted. "Little Revolución" reveals tip #614 ("When in doubt, whip it out – 'it' being hydrochloric acid") when Dr. Hilbert uses it to break Eiffel's toothpaste siege. Hilbert also references the manual in "Cataracts and Hurricanoes," reminding Eiffel to remain calm and preserve his oxygen. In "Bach to the Future," Eiffel spot-checks Minkowski's memorization of Pryce and Carter. She's able to recite word-for-word most tips he throws at her, except for #555. The survival manual is next mentioned in "Mayday," when Eiffel finally reads it between mission days 666 and 669, hoping to glean information that would help him survive being stranded in deep space. It's likely that he read the book many more times in the several months he was alone in the shuttle, as in "Controlled Demolition" he catches himself reciting a tip from memory. In "A Matter of Perspective," Hera and Minkowski note that the DSSPPM specifically warns against playing the board game Funzo. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this does not dissuade Maxwell and Lovelace from starting a game. The manual is mentioned briefly in "A Place for Everything" as the crew try to determine if the Dr. Pryce who arrived with the envoy from Goddard Futuristics is the Pryce who co-wrote the book. "Quiet, Please" reveals that a hardcover copy of the DSSPPM is kept on the Sol, which Eiffel uses as a weapon. Outside the main series, Pryce and Carter plays a large part in the live show, "Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol." Minkowski attempts again to make Eiffel actually read the survival guide. However it's the impending threat of immediate mission termination from Mr. Cutter that finally makes Eiffel promise to read (and memorize) the book. Canon Survival Tips The following tips are stated or referenced through the course of Wolf 359: * 17: Remember, if you have to ask then the answer is no, you did not just see that, and no, it does not concern you. * 110: Do or do not. There is no try. Do whatever it is that we sent you up there to do. And well. Or do not come back. * 333: Your body can go 3 minutes without air, 12 days without food, 48 weeks without compliments. Ration accordingly. * 499: Fortune favors the bold. Capital favors the adaptive. Evolution favors those who can run really, really fast. * 642A: Steer clear of superstition. Heavenly bodies are for scientific study, not hippie fortune telling. * 642B: If you are a Leo, disregard the preceding. Check your horoscope every day, and follow all instructions. * 680: You may find your spirit willing but your flesh coming up short. To remedy, report to medical for upgrading. * 834: Observe all posted signs. And all implied signs. And all subliminal messages. Just observe everything. Never blink. Additional survival tips The following survival tips were released via the official Wolf 359 Twitter. Rejected Survival Tips The following rejected tips were taken from the @Wolf359Radio twitter account. * 1: The amount bourbon warms your core body temperature on space walks is negligible. But it doesn't feel negligible. * 2: Know that the protein dispenser has the same max speed as a pumpkin chucker. Do nothing with this information. * 3: "My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever," said no one who's duty rotation includes sanitation upkeep. * 4: Blasting "Thus Spake Zarathustra" after finishing routine engine maintenance is funny once. Don't push your luck. * 5: The bird is the word. * 6: Regulating body temp in space takes effort, so don't sweat small stuff. Sweat large, existentially terrifying stuff. * 7: Simon says turn around. Simon says disassemble your EMU. Simon says give Simon the access codes. * 8: Observing regular meal cycles is crucial. If you can't keep the hangar at bay, you'll get locked in the hangar bay. * 9: It's a small world after all/ It's small dot after all/ It's a speck consumed by the howling void/ It's a small, small world. * 10A: Always use the right tool for the job. * 10B: The right tool is always a hammer. * 10C: Anything can be used as a hammer. * 11: To err is human. To flare is stellar. To scare is part of your routine crew-readiness assessment. * 12: Nose goes. Specifically your nose goes first in the event of a severe station-wide pressurization malfunction. * 13: Anyone can have bad luck; the true test consists of knowing how to deflect blame for it onto others. * 14: I'm not crying! Your face is crying! It's a response to select gamma ray exposure and natural that your vision's now faulty. * 15: In space, only you can hear the dramatic trombones signaling danger. No one else has the gift. But you do. You do... * 16: Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. We should've been hurled into a vacuum hours ago. * 17: Cotton balls smeared with petroleum jelly are great fire starters. Not that we suggest you start fires. Pretty, pretty fires. * 18: Some key contingencies you just need to know. The velocity of an unladen European swallow is approximately 11 meters per second. * 19: The rum is gone because the particularities of microgravity favor grain fermented spirits like Vodka. Or, I stole it. * 20: Some say the world ends in fire/ Others say ice/ From what I've tasted of your pasta, I hold with those who favor hull breach in your room. * 21: Shots shots shots shots shot shots...is what happens when a misfire occurs inside the centrifuge module. * 22: It's my party and I'll add nitrous to our short-range shuttle engines if I want to, add nos if I want to... * 23: The only thing worse than Netflix and chill is Netflix and 2.7 degrees above absolute zero. * 24: When you got skin in the game the skin stays in the game. You don't get to win unless you put it in. I need a skin graft, okay? * 25: Beware the Ides, definitely, but use the Nones to get totally soused. * 26: Never doubt that, when nobody really cares, a small group of idiotic goof-offs can stumble into positions of authority. * 27: Remember special relativity. An event's time depends on its space. This is why we have a designation for 'mostly dead.' * 28: Call your mother. * 29: Keep your mission directives on you at all times. Possession is 9/10 of the law you can make up to dibs the last banana. * 30: Whistle while you work/ Just whistle while you work/ Keep whistling or the sensors will lock the door and drain the oxygen. * 31: It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. A far, far better rest I go to, after I put the gas in your quarters. * 33: Never use a long word when a short-barrel shotgun will do. * 34: Space is a vast and far-reaching platform with ample opportunities for exposure. UV exposure. * 39: We'll meet again/ Don't know where, don't know when/ but I know classified information ensuring your continued participation. * 40: Among friends, there is no need of justice or regulation. That's why the monthly talent shows are mandatory. * 41: When you wish upon a star/ Makes no difference who you are/ Anything your heart desires/ Is still lightyears out of reach. * 42: Never let the mission interfere with your work. * 43: Trust your instincts. Well, except suspicion. That one you have to be leery of. * 44: If you truly want to know what someone’s like, secretly isolate and destroy their source of caffeine. * 45: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to a motivated, dedicated, task-oriented workplace. * 46: And I looked, and beheld a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Uh Oh, because there are no horses in space. * 47: All I wanna do is have some fun/ I got a feeling I'm not the only one/ Because it’s improbable we are beyond reach of an alien force. * 48: In space, you’re free as a bird. If you disobey an order and are flushed out an airlock, you have approximately the same chance of survival as a bird. * 49: There is no present or future. Only the longing for better coffee, happening over and over again, now. * 50: Age ain’t nothing but a gradual decay of your cellular structure from all the radiation we exposed you to. * 51: Never beat around the bush. If you see the bush, you’ve got to hammer that thing before it becomes too powerful to be stopped. * 52: You’ve never felt like this before? It doesn’t go away. Our implants are way better nowadays. * 53: There must be some kinda way out of here, said the joker who clearly hasn’t read the fine print in his contract. * 54: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future, which is why so many of our controls are on biometric lockdown. * 55: Don’t pay attention to the rumors. They aren't true until they’ve been stricken from all company records. * #56: Keep your head out of the clouds. There’s probably acid up there. * 57: Crew members are like chocolate. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. Chocolate obeys. * 58: All that glitters is not gold. It’s coated in a special poisonous lacquer to weed out anyone with bad impulse control. * 59: Fill out your star charts, take your readings, Bob’s your Uncle. We'll make it happen. We know how much you like Bob. * 60: What’s past is prologue, what’s present is episode, what’s future is classified. * 61: Clean all the things! Clean all the particles! Clean all the molecules so only lifeless void remains! * 62: To avoid communication failures, talk. Keep talking. Reveal your secrets. Accept humiliation. Die inside. Passively obey. * 63: You know what you did. * 64: Hold the phone. Keep holding it. Keeeeep holding it. Great. Missile targeting's now locked on the phone signal. * 65: The only thing you have to fear is REDACTED. * 66: A word once let out of its cage cannot be whistled back again. Hence the shock pens. * 67: The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up, with pre-conditioned trigger words prompting convulsive laughter. * 68: A good man is hard to find. But if you check the vault in storage room 738B-2, there should still be some DNA samples. * 69: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at may have an opportunity to strike. * 70: All you need, you already have within yourself. We made sure to set the relevant parameters in your personality matrix. * 71-45: Go vote. * 72: When you go into space - from a certain point of view - you are going to take everything lying down. * 73: Familiarity breeds contempt. Contempt breeds passive-aggression. Passive-aggression breeds results, doesn't it? * 74: Many hands make light work. Robotic hands make efficient, morality-free work. * 75: Nothing improves your productivity like the constant fear of public shame. * 76: Less is more, form follows function, everything in its- lol, just kidding, nothing matters. * 77: You can fool all people some of the time & some people all of the time, but you can't fool biometric scanning. Ever. * 78: In space, no one can hear you disappoint your loved ones. * 79: There are only two things that travel faster than the speed of light: VX-series engines and regret. * 80: Just remember: you have never not been in space. It has never not tried to kill you. * 81: The fault is not in our stars, but in our nav system's estimates of the distance between us & our stars. Ooops. * 82: When your only tool is a huge & complex space station, every problem looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen. * 83: If a thing isn't going to amuse someone, and annoy someone else, it isn't worth doing. * 84: The faster route between two points is always closed for repairs. References ** Note: Some tips mentioned in the series were not quoted verbatim from the DSSPPM. These tips may have incomplete or inexact phrasing. Category:Misc. In-World